Many people do not realise they are experiencing domestic abuse until they talk about their experiences with someone else. This is because not all forms of domestic abuse are obvious or leave physical signs.
Coercive control, gaslighting and emotional abuse are all forms of domestic abuse that can remain hidden for years. These behaviours can become so normalised that a person may not recognise them as abuse while they are happening.
Sometimes, it takes an outside perspective to identify that something is not right. A friend, family member, colleague or healthcare professional may be able to recognise concerning behaviours and encourage someone to seek support. Professional services, such as Paragon, can also provide a safe space to talk, helping people understand their experiences and explore their options.
Below is a letter we received from someone we have supported. In this anonymous account, a survivor shares how they came to recognise the abuse they were experiencing, accessed support, rebuilt their confidence and found the strength to move forward with their life.
I would like to say a massive thank you to the Domestic Abuse Service for all the support and help they have given me.
When I first accessed the service, I was in a really, difficult place. I had been through a lot of trouble with my ex-husband, and emotionally I was struggling enormously. I didn’t know what to do, how to deal with the situation, or even how to understand what was happening to me. At that point, I didn’t fully realise that the way I had been treated was domestic abuse, and I couldn’t even put a name to what I was experiencing.
From the moment I began receiving support, I felt listened to. I was able to talk openly about what I had been through without feeling judged. Even when I struggled to find the right words, I felt understood. The support I received helped me understand what had happened, explained things in a way that made sense to me, and helped me recognise what kind of support I needed.
The service supported me on so many levels. I received emotional support, guidance on dealing with difficult situations, help throughout the court process, and regular check-ins to make sure I was okay. I never felt that I was dealing with everything completely on my own.
At the beginning, it was incredibly difficult for me to accept and understand what domestic abuse was. Once I began to understand it, however, everything started to change. I was able to recognise what was happening, make better decisions for myself, seek the right help, and start moving forward.
I feel like a completely different person today. I feel stronger, empowered and independent. I understand what I need to do, how I need to protect myself, and, importantly, what I should not accept anymore.
When I first sought help, I was in such a bad place that I was visiting my doctor because my mental and emotional health had deteriorated so much. I was crying constantly, sometimes all day for days, and I struggled even to eat. The support I received made such a huge difference to me during that incredibly difficult period.
I honestly cannot think of anything that could have been improved. I am extremely pleased with the support I received and the difference it has made to my life.
To everyone who supported me, thank you for being there for me, for listening to me, for helping me understand what I was experiencing, and for helping me find my strength again. I will always be incredibly grateful.
I would also like to thank the whole Domestic Abuse Service for the work they do and for being there for people like me when they need it most. Their support changed my life and helped me believe in myself again.
For anyone who may be struggling with similar experiences, I want you to know that help is available, and things can get better. Reaching out for support was one of the most important steps I ever took, and it was the beginning of finding my strength again.
